WANDA’s Legacy
Broadcasting in transit aboard a commuter bus in Columbus, Mike reflects on his relationship with WANDA, the bright musical baton that routinely accompanies his commutes throughout the city, discussing the factors that necessitated its creation in the first place - unsafe streets that expose pedestrians to motor vehicle collisions and tragic accidents - and remembering its evolution into a political creed for pedestrian safety and commuter accessibility.
In a world that rewards sensationalism over substance, it’s important to appreciate the everyday joys around us and offset the gloom that media prefers to sell us through unqualified figureheads. You deserve to know that you’re making a difference in our world.
I find myself at this beautiful noon hour on Tuesday, 7 May 2024 here in the COTA bus - brought to you by the Central Ohio Transit Authority, our sole and #1 transit provider in the Greater Columbus region.
If you’re a God-fearing commuter like me and happen to give a f**k about the environment - or just don’t feel like pay absurd amounts of money to own a car - and you do find yourself taking a bus, make sure to take some time and thank your bus driver!
I happen to be a bystander in what appears to be a training session aboard this particular bus for the fine men, women, et al. of COTA. Thus, we must be in our best behaved “civilian” mode in an effort to represent a proper tutorial of what the typical bus rider would be - which, I guess in the ideal world, would be sitting, chilling and not causing any mischief or disruption.
At this point in my life, I’m too old to give into the mischievous and destructive ways of my past, especially when they inconvenience the commute of my fellow bus riders. It’s the Tuesday after Cinco de Mayo after all, and nobody’s got time for all that.
The mischief and mayhem, in theory, has already occurred on Sunday… that’s why I’m starting my day on the noontime bus!
I’m on the #3 bus here in Columbus, starting from the southwestern terminus of the line and heading up Harrisburg Pike (US route 62) into downtown, after spending an enjoyable evening in Grove City with a lad. Seems around here, we have the typical set of suburban fast-food haunts - Wendy’s, Raising Cane’s… and a Popeye’s Chicken! Seems I should spend some time down here…. they’ve got the good sh*t down here!
Living among the many, many car-centric outposts of this fine city, I’ve become quite accustomed and comfortable with asserting my pedestrian privileges and right of way throughout my commutes within the car-centric wastelands throughout this city.
But with WANDA presently in rehabilitation, I’ve been more reluctant to put myself in situations in which I have to be that foolish pedestrian in the middle of automobile hell.
What is WANDA?
If anybody knows me and knows why I made WANDA, you might recall the lack of faith / paranoid distrust that I have for the average driver. It doesn't take one long to look back and find a pedestrian fatality in the last week in your neck of the woods.
Hence why WANDA was born…
I want to do a little reflection on WANDA since she's not here. I realize how crazy my irrational love for WANDA might appear. I talk about her as if she’s a friend, and in my most absurd moments, I'd defend her with my life. One might ask why I regard an inanimate object with such gravitas and affection…
But WANDA really does feel like a best friend. It’s like how some people treat their car as a best friend… or even a lover!
WANDA has existed for about 2 years now, and I’m proud of the impact we’ve made. Believe it or not, I’ve actually sold a few to people in Columbus. There are about 4 or 5 floating around, which amuses me. I can't wait to run into one of my customers. This is a stark contrast to when WANDA was stolen in New Orleans, which was like seeing someone driving your stolen car right in front of you… I plead the fifth on what I would have done!
Dumpster Fire Politics
Speaking of legal matters, it seems pleading the fifth is in vogue, unless you're trying to run for president, in which case you just act like a screaming toddler in court and get fined for contempt.
It's interesting how some people, like our former president, can make everything about them and turn every incident into a giant publicity stunt. There's truly no such thing as bad publicity, and we've had a master class in that statement over the last five years. It’s amusing that the media covers all his antics, then laments that he became president because we kept talking about him. We're all enabling the rise of someone who is a product of drama and conflict, much like the genius of WWE in extracting money from division. So, in a way, we get what we deserve.
One asks how low can we go? I sometimes joke that if a certain "douchebag" can run for office, surely I can! I used to worry about how things like smoking weed or coming out as gay might affect my reputation for a potential career in public office. But I want to thank Donald Trump for continually lowering the bar for what it takes to be taken seriously.
And it’s not just him… consider Elon Musk too. As an engineer who cares about building things that better the world, I'm bewildered by the misplaced faith that even intelligent people put in him.
There's a whole plethora out there of unqualified figureheads who rise to power by complaining and victimizing themselves. It might sound messed up, but I remember in 2016, when Bernie Sanders lost and Hillary was the nominee, I checked out of the election. I forced myself to read Mein Kampf and realized that Adolf Hitler was a genius at using populism to get elected. He literally wrote the book on how to use victimization and turn "pathetic and sad" into a campaign slogan, dressed up with something like "Make America Great Again". It’s amazing how that simple, clumsy marketing strategy worked, showing how basic we are at "eating this shit up". I’m guilty too; I was obsessed with The Apprentice.
Finding Little Joys
Things were boring under Clinton and Biden, because they simply did their job correctly, efficiently, and competently. We don't appreciate that.
Just like with this bus… Nobody thinks about it, because we trust the driver and the mechanical integrity of the bus. We can sit back and after some time, completely take for granted the motion of the bus in which we sit.
One major challenge in a democratic society - or any marketplace of ideas - is best described by Margaret Renkl, environmental columnist for The New York Times and fellow Midwesterner:
People are not persuaded when they are informed; people are persuaded when they're moved.
As an engineer and former academic, I used to focus on technical accuracy in my writing. But when I first heard that quote, I realized I was wasting my time. My time should have been spent on how to sell, package, and make my work colorful, bright, and vibrant, so it stands out - just like a tabloid magazine on the shelves of a supermarket checkout lane.
We’re watching a courtroom drama unfold that can be summarized in two words: "gag order". If someone writes a documentary about this year in politics, civics, and courtroom drama, it should be called "Gag Order.”
Hopefully, Stormy Daniels runs the whole thing; she deserves an executive title after all she’s suffered. It's amusing to me how badly our former president tries to victimize himself, portraying himself as a victim of a corrupt system - when he is the system. Putin, at least, shows some finesse when he employs victimization tactics. It's embarrassing to see our version of this audacious ploy and how many people fall for it. The saddest part is knowing we'll probably make the same mistake in 2024 and thereafter.
So I try to remind myself not to take life too seriously. At the end of the day, people just want a good dumpster fire to stare at. Meanwhile, have fun. And if you find yourself in the center of the dumpster fire, then all you can do is maximize the show.
The worst part of being "homeless" — or as I prefer to say, "on tour, baby"— is the loneliness. There have been times when WANDA truly felt like my only friend. She’s there for me, literally protecting me from cars that might not see me or even care.
And she provides me joy. There are days during which she's been my only moments of joy, and I'm grateful for that. When people talk sh*t" about WANDA, I will fight them.
Though I love WANDA and am grateful for her, I can indeed always make another WANDA, which is the distinction between an inanimate object and a living thing that is not similarly replaceable.
Right now, I have “Rhonda” with me. “Rhonda” is WANDA without the spine (i.e. tiki torches). She's essentially just two speakers freewheeling on bungee cords, which requires a whole other skill level to operate gracefully. Despite this, so far I’ve had zero safety incidents with “Rhonda.” OSHA would be proud.
The whole point of WANDA, beyond my own protection, is as a political or marketing campaign to promote the simple notion that pedestrians exist. It's to make us visible to drivers and, on a broader level, to city planners who design urban streets without sidewalks, intersections without crosswalks or walk signals. They need to be aware that we exist - and that we are not second-class residents - and that we deserve to be taken into consideration when designing and constructing urban infrastructure and municipal services.
I’m proud of the small impact that WANDA has made. I don't know for certain how much credit I can claim, but when I saw sidewalks finally being installed in Alexandria, Louisiana, in 2023, I felt like we were a part of that - that perhaps we put a slight bit more fire under the city leaders' butts to get that built.
I have to remind myself that despite the bullshit on the news — where the "dumpster fire" typically wins — there are hundreds and thousands of tiny things going correctly in the world that fail to get acknowledged or appreciated.
Don't beat yourself up over the news. Yes, we have to take responsibility for some of today's utter incompetences, but we also need to take stock in all the little things that are going right. You deserve to know that you’re making a difference, even if it’s a tiny thing like a sidewalk that is finally built that might prevent someone from getting killed years later.
That being said, I’m going to sign off. It's been a lovely commute with you all. Until we meet again, take care of yourselves, take care of somebody else, and be grateful for the little things going right in your life, because you deserve it.
